An Agreement with God

IMG_4525Six months to one year.

That’s the agreement I made with God.

That was all the time I was willing to give to my server position.

In the mean time, I prayed for patience. That He order my steps. And that He’d make me more receptive to His voice so that I would know when an opportunity was from Him. Not something I overthought to make it work.

IMG_4520This time, I told Him, I’d follow His plan because this move had to be different. It just had to be. I desperately needed affirmation that uprooting my small family was worth it. I just needed a sign.

Just one little sign, I pleaded.

In some cases, it was different. My outlook was better. I was more confident and optimistic about the journey. But I know prayer without action is powerless so I woke up four hours before I had to so that I could write.

The best days were when I hit publish. It always felt like a small victory giving me the energy to push past the tables and people who tried to make me feel small.

IMG_4545That wasn’t easy. Especially the days, I just physically could not write.

Those days, I silently prayed for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. I’d repeat it while walking to and from tables trying to correct my attitude.

I refused to believe that this was life. I knew He wouldn’t get me this close just to say nah.

So when an Assistant Editor position for a media company in my town popped in my job alerts, I knew it was the sign I was looking for. I applied to the position before over Memorial Day weekend and got no where, but this time, it was mine.

IMG_4522 (2)I saw it on a Tuesday. Just one day after I’d gotten grief from my boss about having a life outside the job. I. was. livid. I was through with the stupidity and pettiness. This was it.

My sister confirmed that for me.

As I began telling her about the opportunity, I heard her voice crack. I didn’t know what was going on. I wondered if something happened at work that she hadn’t told me yet.

“I just know this is your job,” she said through tears. “I just know that God made it possible for you and ______ to move to North Jersey together so you wouldn’t be alone. And to find a position in your town. This one’s for you. I just know it.”

IMG_4603I hadn’t thought of it like that, but her sincerity made me back away from the ironing board to consider the possibility.

It was all I could think about that night. I replayed our conversation and the events leading up to it in my head.

I thought about the day I applied to the position and how I had to tell myself not to check my phone because I was going to hear back. I just had to show a little faith.

I remembered how I ran to the bathroom after receiving the email to pray. I wished the handicapped stall wasn’t occupied so that I could really pray. I was willing to get on my knees and everything.

IMG_4517I thought about the reminder that kept going off on my phone telling me my year was just about up and that I needed to make a decision about my next step. I wished I had the means to just step out on faith, but with my upcoming wedding, that wasn’t a step I could afford.

Then, I thought about the agreement I made with God: six months to one year.

It made me roll over to look at the calendar in my phone. My interview was on the sixth. I received the email a week before on the 30th. That was the day I started my training at the restaurant exactly a year before.

He heard my prayers after all. He knew I was barely holding on. I guess…I guess I just had to show Him that I was learning the skills I asked for earlier in the year.

I started my new job two Tuesdays ago.

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  • Ash B.

    I can’t even explain to you how I needed to read this. I’m currently in between jobs because I made the last minute decision not to go back to GA to do my last internship for my grad program. Everything seemed great with it and I loved my first internship down there but I didn’t feel like I was supposed to be back down there – or at least not right now. So I decided to stay and have been looking for jobs. My old job has offered for me to come back to my old position but I know I don’t need to be there for a number of reasons. It’s been discouraging trying to find a job that will challenge me and provide me with a decent income. I’ve been piecing together little hustles to stay afloat. But I keep hoping that the right thing will come through soon, especially since I’ve been exercising not making decisions based on circumstances but based on what’s actually best. So I needed to read this and know that I can still hope (while working towards what I hope for, of course). Thank you for sharing; it is so much appreciated!

    xo,
    Ash

    • Ash, thank you so much for commenting. Your comment brought me to tears. I’m so grateful you found inspiration in it. I know how hard it is to be educated and struggling to find employment. It really sucks, but you have to know that He hears you. He knows what you are going through and He is just, as my pastor used to say, character building. You have to believe that. I can’t wait to see (and read)how everything unfolds in your life. I know it’s going to be great!

  • I’m so happy for you and loved reading this honest post. As young college educated women the pressure to build a career is real — but I’m glad you didn’t lost faith that the right opportunity would come for you when the time was right. Can’t wait to hear all about the new gig!

    • Thank you so much. I really didn’t know how this post was going to be perceived. It was like an opening a wound for everyone to see. And girl, it definitely was not easy, but I am so grateful for the opportunity. I also realize that before, I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was. I’m ready now. I’m in a better place and more aware of who I am as a person and writer. Thanks for your continuous support. It means the world to me.

  • Jade Perry

    This was an AWESOME post and I’m so glad that you found an opportunity that resonates with you and allows you to be on the path AND in the location that you need. Wonderfully written and expertly lived 🙂

    • Jade!!! Thank you so much for stopping by. I appreciate your kind words. Please know that I’m stealing “expertly lived.” LOL. I hope all is well with you darling!

  • Lynecia

    Congratulations!!!!

  • #WONTHEDOIT!! I love that you made an agreement with God and trusted him throughout. You were rewarded for your faithfulness and I can’t wait to see where you’re headed from here!

    I loved this sentence: “The best days were when I hit publish. It always felt like a small victory giving me the energy to push past the tables and people who tried to make me feel small.”

    Love, love. That’s so real.

    • #YESHEWILL! You know better than most how difficult this journey was, but it’s still mind-boggling how He showed up and showed out. I still can’t believe it, but it makes me that much more grateful.

      Thanks love! Man, listen… You have to be on some watch me walk through type stuff because people can only dream as big as their own dreams, if that makes sense. But I just knew that wasn’t going to be my end all be all. And it won’t be for you either!

  • Congratulations!!! Rejoicing with you. Happy for you. and really inspired to press on.
    Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    • She’s Facing Freedom

      Tonya, you’re too sweet. Thank you so much!

    • Awww! You’re too sweet. Thank you so much!