That’s the agreement I made with God.
That was all the time I was willing to give to my server position.
In the mean time, I prayed for patience. That He order my steps. And that He’d make me more receptive to His voice so that I would know when an opportunity was from Him. Not something I overthought to make it work.
This time, I told Him, I’d follow His plan because this move had to be different. It just had to be. I desperately needed affirmation that uprooting my small family was worth it. I just needed a sign.
Just one little sign, I pleaded.
In some cases, it was different. My outlook was better. I was more confident and optimistic about the journey. But I know prayer without action is powerless so I woke up four hours before I had to so that I could write.
The best days were when I hit publish. It always felt like a small victory giving me the energy to push past the tables and people who tried to make me feel small.
That wasn’t easy. Especially the days, I just physically could not write.
Those days, I silently prayed for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. I’d repeat it while walking to and from tables trying to correct my attitude.
I refused to believe that this was life. I knew He wouldn’t get me this close just to say nah.
So when an Assistant Editor position for a media company in my town popped in my job alerts, I knew it was the sign I was looking for. I applied to the position before over Memorial Day weekend and got no where, but this time, it was mine.
My sister confirmed that for me.
As I began telling her about the opportunity, I heard her voice crack. I didn’t know what was going on. I wondered if something happened at work that she hadn’t told me yet.
“I just know this is your job,” she said through tears. “I just know that God made it possible for you and ______ to move to North Jersey together so you wouldn’t be alone. And to find a position in your town. This one’s for you. I just know it.”
It was all I could think about that night. I replayed our conversation and the events leading up to it in my head.
I thought about the day I applied to the position and how I had to tell myself not to check my phone because I was going to hear back. I just had to show a little faith.
I remembered how I ran to the bathroom after receiving the email to pray. I wished the handicapped stall wasn’t occupied so that I could really pray. I was willing to get on my knees and everything.
I thought about the reminder that kept going off on my phone telling me my year was just about up and that I needed to make a decision about my next step. I wished I had the means to just step out on faith, but with my upcoming wedding, that wasn’t a step I could afford.
Then, I thought about the agreement I made with God: six months to one year.
It made me roll over to look at the calendar in my phone. My interview was on the sixth. I received the email a week before on the 30th. That was the day I started my training at the restaurant exactly a year before.
He heard my prayers after all. He knew I was barely holding on. I guess…I guess I just had to show Him that I was learning the skills I asked for earlier in the year.
I started my new job two Tuesdays ago.