I know what you’re thinking; 2020 was one of the hardest years so, how girl, how did you own your power? To tell you the truth, 2020 was a hard year for me, too.
Like you, I felt insecure about work when the pandemic hit. Like you, I was angry and exhausted by the news cycle. Like you, I had a hard time balancing my work life…at home. And like you, I counted my blessings because there was so much loss and trauma in 2020.
But.
I’ve had my fair share of hard years so I know how important it is to look for the silver lining. After all, moments are small snapshots of a year. That’s it.
So believe me, when I say 2020 was the year I owned my power, I’m just as surprised as you. But if I’m being honest, it was time. For too long, I lived in the past and allowed who I had been stop me from the woman I was becoming. I wrote about this before. But I didn’t realize how true that was until my personal and professional lives collided.
Though I was progressing at work, I was selling myself short. I was pigeonholing myself without realizing it. I didn’t understand why I was being pulled into certain conversations. I was only a *insert job title here.* I’m sure many of you can relate to that last line. Amiright?
Here’s the thing:
When I leaned into my power and owned it, I became more of the leader I always knew I could be. Now, don’t get me wrong, this didn’t happen overnight. As a woman — a Black woman at that — I didn’t feel comfortable with power. To be honest, and this is going to sound bizarre, I had been waiting for permission to have it. Let alone, own it. The same is true for speaking up in meetings. To simply have a voice at my company. And that wouldn’t have happened if a friend didn’t check me and tell me to stop being so respectful. To act like I was a straight white man. Whew chile.
One of the hardest moments of 2020 was speaking up during a town hall following the murder of George Floyd. Between me and you, everything in my body told me to do what I’ve always done; listen and nod in agreement. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Not that time and not ever again.
Believe it or not, that was the game-changer for me and my career. My coworkers started to view me as more than the person who oversaw hiring and payroll. It’s not lost on me that’s in large part because I viewed myself as more, too. In that moment, I found strength in my identity and my story at work regardless how hurt I was at the meeting. As tears streamed down my face and dotted my t-shirt, I remained true to myself, which is powerful in itself.
So now that I’m owning my power, now what?
I’m showing up every single day as Yasmein better known as Yaszy James. Not only for myself but for those who are not comfortable using their voice or telling their stories. I’m leaning into the power of making decisions that impact others by remembering. I know how it feels to not feel comfortable with power. I know it feels to not have a voice. Or if I should use it at work. And I know how it feels to be unsure whether I should bring 100 percent of myself to work. I remember.
I can’t tell you what’s to come of this new-found power. What I can tell you is that I’m excited about the possibilities and the change it will impact this year. Stay tuned!
