Ever since I made the decision to move to New York, everyone (and I mean everyone) has asked me about my relationship with shocked questions like “Is he moving with you?” I reply “no, not now anyway.” “Well, what are you guys going to do?” I look at them puzzled because in mind (and in his), we are going to do the same thing we have been doing. It amazes me how their words fall off their lips as if by pursuing my dreams, I am intentionally hurting my relationship.
Yesterday, I had one of those conversations first thing in the morning. My bus driver told me that he might move to Arizona. That’s random, but okay. I inform him I went to New York this past weekend, fell in love and am determined to move there to further my nearly non-existent career, which he already knows about. He quickly asked, “at the risk of your relationship?”
Huh???
He continued talking about temptations (including the movie, which I haven’t seen) and how it’s going to be easy to give in after a hard day of work. Hmmm. I guess the only reason I know how to “conduct” myself is because my boyfriend is in the same city. Absolutely not. I reply that yes there are going to be temptations as there are every single day in everything you do regardless if you are in a relationship. I guess my tone showed him that I wasn’t in the mood for that because he backed off a little.
I get it. Long-distance relationships are hard, but all relationships require work. It’s hard, but not impossible. Besides, we made it work when I studied abroad in Argentina for a semester and that was in a different continent for crying out loud. There was no visiting for the weekend or chatting it up on the phone. We had Skype and Aim and somehow we made it work. Not to mention when he graduated a semester before me, we made it work. He came up every chance he could and I visited him during my breaks. It was fine and I expect my move to New York won’t be any different. In fact, when I told him, all he said was “well, that gives me more reasons to come to New York.
The hardest part about the situation is everyone is focusing on the partnership. Nobody is focusing on the individuals. For me, I feel like I need this move almost as much as I need air. I am constantly gasping for some type of reprieve hoping all my work will pay off and it never does. Not in Reading. Not in Philly. And not in Delaware. I need to know that majoring in Journalism was worth it. I want the opportunity to get paid to do the one thing I have loved since middle school. And if moving to New York means that I will finally be given that shot with a promise of full-time employment, then why not. I graduated almost four years ago and I am still looking for my first full-time job. That’s hard especially when you see everyone else thinking about buying homes and investing in their 401Ks – things that are still just a dream to me. These days, I try not to compare, but it’s hard not to.
I desperately need this to prove to myself that I can do it without him. Every city I have lived in besides Philadelphia has been with him. Growing up, I always thought of myself as pretty independent. I had my own jobs, made my own money and barely asked my parents or siblings for anything even in college. But lately, that hasn’t been the case and it’s the hardest thing in the world to go from Ms. Independent to little Ms. Can I have/do so I can…. I need to know that I can hold down a job and pay all of my own bills without him and survive. Is that too much to ask?
He gets it. He understands my frustrations and supports my decisions. I am lucky.
Now if everyone else would just get on board and stop acting like we are stuck in the 1950s or something because I guarantee if he was the one that wanted to move, nobody would blink an eye. He would be praised and viewed as the ultimate provider and as a woman, I better support him because that’s what women are supposed to do.
Call me greedy, but I want it all. Yes, I want to be happy in my relationship and I am, but I also want to be happy in my profession and other personal relationships. It’s not enough for me just to be able to say “I have a great relationship” and nothing else. Is that wrong?
Why do people think that pursuing dreams means that you are risking your relationship? Are they right?
