The blogger behind Story of My life posed this question last Tuesday and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. The truth is, it’s something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. At home, in the shower, but especially at work in between helping customers.
Most of the time, I stand there in a daze half-listening to the customers names and requests wondering what I am doing with my life. And how did I get here?
Even as I write this I realize that may sound negative and I guess it is to an extent. It’s like a nasty taste in the back of my mouth that I am constantly trying to get rid of because as grateful as I am for my current job, I never thought I would be here at this age. It’s like my daily vitamin that just won’t go down no matter how much water I drink. Sadly, that pill is my ego and pride and I am reminded to check it at the door everyday.
I have to because regardless of how much I seem to have ventured from my life plan, I am grateful. I am happy and I am progressing. I may not be where I want to be, but I am definitely further than I was two months ago. Six months ago. Or even nine months ago when I was working in my field.
The starts. Stops. Starts and stops of employment have shown me how much I love writing and that I really do want to do it professionally. It has pushed me to think outside the box and try to live out my dream in a different way by creating this little ‘ol blog. That, in turn, has given me something to not only believe in, but work towards and that is extremely exciting to me.
Before, I felt like I was on a hamster wheel. Doing the same thing. Looking for jobs the same way. Getting the same results. Stressing out about those results, crying about them and then repeating the process. It was draining and frustrating because I too wanted the job in my field regardless if I liked it or not, that is what I was supposed to have. Or so I thought. I wanted the benefits, the vacation time and everything else that came along with having a real “grown up” job. I still do. The difference is I want it because I believe that is obtainable through hard work not because I am trying to keep up with the Joneses, which is probably what I was doing. It took me far too long realize that.
I love what Jenni wrote and how she summarized her bright future of being a straight-A student and how people almost expects more out of her. That’s kind of my story except I battled mostly with my own expectations. My favorite part is near the bottom where she wrote “…the only standard you must meet is your own – the only path you should follow is the one your heart leads you on.” Very well said.
To answer the question, I honestly don’t know if I am living up to my full potential. All I know is I am doing the very best that I can and giving it my all the entire way.
