Every time I move to a new city, I am faced with the daunting question about where my loyalty lies. Nobody ever asks me that. I put it on myself, but I can’t help but feel a sense of loyalty to the jobs I leave behind.
It doesn’t matter what they are or what I do and even whether it’s my dream job. I know that it takes a lot to hire someone, train someone and then do it all over again in a couple of months because of a some sudden change, good or bad, occurs in my life.
Because of that, I try my best to avoid change not because I don’t want it, but because I am always more concerned about what it means for the person who hired me, my coworkers and even the company or organization that employed me. It’s a crazy crazy trait, I know, but the way I see it is, it’s not just a job I am being given. It’s a chance to have a schedule and if you have been unemployed for any period of time, you know how good that feels despite what you would believe beforehand. A job gives you a sense of self-respect, a chance to learn something new and more importantly, the opportunity to make your own money and that feels good. Really goood.
But lately, around the time that I got engaged to present day, the question has shifted from Loyalty vs. Livelihood.
I am not going to lie, the shift was most certainly brought about from knowing that soon, I will have to plan and pay for a wedding. As much as I would like to keep everything exactly the same, it’s just not possible. Nor is it financially feasible.
For one, I don’t want to be the bride who just points to what she wants. I want to be involved in all aspects, including the financial side. To be honest, the main reason I haven’t started planning is because I don’t feel that I can contribute much right now. It’s something that overwhelms me at times, but it is my wish that it will also motivate me to continue searching for other writing opportunities and my dream job.
Secondly, it’s not just about me anymore. Not that it’s been about just me in a long time, but now I really have someone else to consider the same way he considers me. I realized that two weeks ago when I was texting a friend about the new move. I told her my concerns and what she text me back struck a chord with me. “…Besides he is your fiance…you guys are one. They will be sad, but they will understand,” she wrote. She was right.
In that moment, I realized that not only was I being unfair to him because he made a move based on what I said I wanted, but my idea of loyalty had to change. Loyalty should not just be something tethered to a company or person that gives you a job. One that they also need to fill. Loyalty is about being consistent in your support to those who have given you the same in return. It’s about ridin’ for and with those that always rides for you.
It made me realize that now and forever my loyalty should always include him. The answer to that daunting question of where my loyalty lies should be based on whether it betters my relationship and our financial situation. Ultimately, that might mean leaving behind some good jobs with good people that gave me a shot. But I have to believe it’s worth it for the opportunity to find a great job with good people that will also make me a better version of the person I hope to become.
