I suppose I should have been upset. I shouldn’t have zoned out and already planning my next move.
There should not have been a sigh of relief when I learned that my department was changing its freelance operation, but there was and even I couldn’t believe how cool I was about it. The news meant that I wouldn’t be able to write as many articles as I have in the past as an in-house freelancer. It also meant that my earning for my main source of income was going to significantly decrease and I was okay. It almost felt like a sign, if you know what I mean.
For the past couple of months, I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what I should do about my current work situation. More than anything, I wanted to move on to full-time employment to feel like I was progressing in my life and career. I never expected to be in the same situation this long, but I held on to it because something was better than nothing. Or at least that is what I have been told. I held on to it because it was the only position I could find that would enable me to write. Really write. I held on to it because I felt a sense of loyalty to the organization that believed in me enough to give me a chance. I was grateful. I still am.
But near the end of last year, I began thinking about me. I was annoyed going into the office that once made me feel so happy and made me feel like a real journalist. I began suffering with severe headaches. I was becoming more stressed out with every email and article I wrote. Every meeting I attended, which was the only time I went into the office most weeks, frustrated me like crazy. And each time I had to dip in my savings to cover my bills for the month because my checks were more than a month late, drove me insane. My body was telling me what I already knew – I had to make a change. The meeting last Tuesday gave me permission to make that change.
They were clear about their vision and it honestly made sense. They even informed us that if we were sitting around the table, they wanted to keep us on the team. I was very happy to hear that as I had been dying to figure out what they thought about me. It was a nice offer, but I fear by continuing to write for them, I will limit myself from seeking and obtaining gainful employment.
It’s important to do what makes sense for me and my life and it doesn’t make sense to hold on to this when I know deep in my heart I don’t have a future with the organization. The whole reason I went to the meeting was to find out what the news was and make an informed decision about my next move.
Challenge Accepted.
