I like to think of myself as an optimistic and positive person. But, if you read my last post, you know that I’m still healing from a very trying year.
I’m doing my best to lick my wounds by getting back to the things that make me feel like me. Like, writing. But, some things take time. And some mess with your psyche so much, you feel lost. The situation I wrote about in my last post is one of them. Because of it, I’ve been having a hard time navigating negative self-talk.
Most days, my confidence scares me. I know that I can and I will like a framed quote that sits in the corner of my desk. It reads, “she believed she could, so she did.” Other days, while merging into my sectional, I can’t help but spiral with “I can’t” and “I don’t know” statements.
The thing about negative self-talk is that it comes from you, sounds like you, but it’s not you. It’s an inner conversation based on circumstances that a lot of times, are out of your control.
Negative self-talk is like a cruel older brother. Slowly, it creeps up behind you for no other reason but the satisfaction of scaring you. Boo! And the moment you realize it’s behind you, you scream and then what? Retreat to a safer space.
Hello, comfort zone.
To make matters worst, now you can’t help but check every corner to see if that sneaky older brother is there. Is he hunched down and waiting to scare you? Again.
Welcome, self-doubt.
It’s an on-going and cyclical battle that is easy to get lost in the hamster wheel-effect. Trust me, I know.
So, what do I do when I’m spiraling with negative self-talk? I remember who I am by focusing on what I say about me. I keep statements and affirmations on post-its in my bathroom as a reminder. And instead of giving into negativity (and negative self-talk), I try to disassociate myself.
How I Stop Negative Self-Talk:
Me: You know, everything happens for a reason. I’m going to use this time to heal and work on my blog.
Negative self-talk: Girl, you’ve tried this before. Many times. Do I have to remind you how you gave up last time?
Me: You know what, *insert the name of the most negative person in my life,* I can see where you’re coming from. But, I’m still going to meditate, write, exercise and whatever else I need to do to heal. I owe that to myself.
Did you see what I did there?
Why This Technique Works:
The way I overcome negative self-talk is by naming it. I address it as the most negative person in my life. That way, I can pivot AND control the internal conversation the same way I would if that person were in front of me.
Now, I can’t lie, I started naming my negative self-talk without even noticing it. I found myself questioning “why is so and so on my brain so much?” But then it clicked and I realized what I was doing.
Does it feel icky? Of course! But, what’s the alternative? Spiraling so much that you shackle yourself to your comfort zone? That’s no way of living. At least, that’s what I’m reminding myself every time I doubt myself, skills and talents. Or question whether I could have or should have done something differently. Consider this your reminder, too.
It might sound awful, but at least there’s one positive outcome of having a negative person in your life. Sis, use that to your advantage.
