As women, we give a lot of ourselves away. Sometimes too much for the sake of love and our relationships that there is very little of ourselves left that is just for us.
Our identity becomes not who we are as women, but many times who we are to others such as the girlfriend, wife or mother. I am the girlfriend and while I truly enjoy being that, I also want more out of life. And I don’t want to be judged by outsiders because of it.
I think it’s important to have something for myself. I should know who I am, what I like, dislike, what I want out of life and not be afraid to go after it because of how it would change my relationship. Or what others might think.
I have often times said that I don’t want to be able to only say that I have a great relationship and that is all. But the truth is, I have made decisions so that it is exactly that way.
When I met my boyfriend, I was a freshman in college and I had gotten wrapped up in the newness, happiness and feeling of love and being loved that I had somehow forgotten to make other relationships. I can actually count how many other real relationships I have made and maintained on one hand. I am not proud of this, but it is the truth.
If these past couple of years have taught me anything, it’s that being nice, going the flow and simply being complacent isn’t worth it especially at the risk of my happiness. Nothing else.
That is why I have decided to not only put myself first, but to be selfish.
I know the word selfish doesn’t sound attractive and is better said than done because let’s face it, a lot of women don’t know how to only think about themselves, but we have to. Here’s why:
1. Your happiness matters: There is a saying that goes “If mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy,” and it’s so true. I know we would like to think that we are concealing our unhappiness or our bad days, but we are only fooling ourselves. I have tried many times and it doesn’t work. My bad mood or unhappiness always shows in the way I treat people from snarky remarks to just being negative and that is not how I want to be.
2. You can have it all: I know it’s easy to get caught up in the routine of life. Trust me, I know. Lately, my days have become all cooking and cleaning so I get it. But I would really rather not be this domestic. I know it’s hard to see a life outside of the one you currently live, but if it’s not making you happy, isn’t it worth a shot? You will never ever get it if you don’t at least give it a shot.
3.You are worth it: Sorry to sound like a L’Oréal commercial, but it is the truth. Whatever you want in life, you have to decide that you deserve to have it and then go after it. No excuses just daily execution.
