I’m trying really hard to be a woman who practices what she preaches.
To take my own advice and write through it.
That’s what I told Channing when she felt the way I’ve been feeling. She described it best.
“I feel like the literal embodiment of a shrug,” she said during one of our weekly catch-up sessions. “Like eh,” she continued as I pictured her with raised shoulders and twisted lips.
Same.
I’ve been trying to push through it.
To write it all down.
I really have, but some days are more difficult than others.
Some show you what you’ve known all along. That you’re wasting your time and your talents.
I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but lately, it feels like my efforts are not enough. That I’m not enough. The most terrifying part of it all, that this really is life.
And I refuse to believe that.
Which is why I channeled my frustration (and day job boredom) into an article for Elite Daily. It published three weeks ago.
The night before, I cried myself to sleep. It probably wasn’t the best idea to start talking about shelf life as far as careers go right before going to bed. I questioned whether I hit mine.
During a very honest conversation with my love in the morning, I cried some more before heading to work. Simply put, I just want to feel like a partner in my relationship. In every aspect. And my current job won’t let me be great.
At the time, I didn’t appreciate getting published the way that I should have.
Sure, I immediately sent a mass email to my family informing them about the good news. I also posted it on Facebook and the feedback was so touching.
Honestly, it was better than I expected given the content of the article, but I don’t think it really sank in.
Don’t get me wrong, it felt good. Really good. After all, I spent years trying to figure out how to get published again. And I managed to do it at a very well-known site.
I guess…I guess I’ve just learned to take small achievements in stride.
But I do believe it’s a sign.
That always happens.
Right when I feel like I have nothing left to give and look forward to, a glimmer of hope tells me to hold on.
So this is me being faithful.
Being honest with who I am and where I am mentally.
And doing my best to write through it.
*insert shrug*
p.s. Channing and I have created a blog challenge for September. If you want in, shoot me a quick email. We’ll write through it together.
