One of my main goals this year was to work on my relationships. Aside from my stagnant career, it was my inability to maintain relationships that forced me to set out on this road to discovery.
I have accepted the fact that I haven’t been the best friend in the world. I also realize that I can’t expect to have great relationships if I am not willing to be a good friend to someone and I have been trying to change that. But lately, it seems that some things are so far gone that it’s almost the norm not to be present in the lives of people I consider friends both through my own fault and theirs. When I am trying to fix things, they aren’t and vice versa.
In the past, I would have just walked away. I would have only focused on how I felt about certain situations and that would be that. But, I am older now and realize that friendships are like any relationship. They can be difficult at times. They are a lot of work, but can be very rewarding when nurtured.
The past couple of years have taught me that life can get in the way of being the person and friend you would like to be. I am in no way excusing my actions or lack of actions. I am simply saying that I believe that sometimes being a friend means meeting in the middle.
When one of my friends took offense to me not hanging with her as often as I could have, I was hurt that I hurt her and made her question our friendship. The truth is, my absence had nothing to do with her. I was in a very bad place from being unemployed with no job in sight and feeling too dependent on the boyfriend. It greatly impacted the way I viewed life, those around me and myself. The last thing I wanted was to be around anyone especially if it was going to remind me of everything I wanted and didn’t have. Isolating myself is how I thought I was dealing with my issues.
Others are different and sometimes those differences prevent us from seeing eye to eye. It limits our abilities to understand each other and that is rough. I am learning that you don’t always have to understand the situation. Let’s face it, that’s not going to happen each and every time. As long as you understand the person that your friend is and try to help them through the rough times, that’s all that matters.
