Sunday, as I sat in one of the back pews at my church’s 122 Anniversary, I couldn’t help but think about what a difference a year makes. It was almost a year to date that I went to church on my own free will in a very long time. A guy from my bus told me about his church and the only thing I knew was the name. At the time, I felt empty inside. It felt like there was something missing and what I was doing wasn’t working.
I remember how unsure of myself I felt. I was barely working at the time. The times that I was working, I always felt so stressed and that wasn’t because of the workload.
I knew I wanted a change, but I didn’t really know what that would be or how I would get it. New York seemed like a fresh start and I wanted it so bad I could taste it, but based on my track record, It would be a couple years and I was okay with that.
I remember knowing that I had to let somethings go. Negativity. Ill thoughts. Selfishness. Walls that kept others out. Pride. And to be honest, I wanted to let those things go. I’d held onto all those things for far too long and they hadn’t ever helped me.
I don’t remember the actual sermon much, but I remember the spirit in the room. I remember hearing the choir from outside and knowing I was in the right place. I remember how the songs they sang made me feel. I remember how they stirred emotions that I hadn’t felt in a while. I remember this one guy whose voice I absolutely love, remixing a Michael Jackson song to make it a gospel song and I dug it.
As I sat there, I thought about all the things that I had asked for during the last anniversary such as a softer heart, a more thoughtful and giving spirit and a more optimistic outlook on my situation and the situations of others. I was so consumed with my thoughts that I had to make a conscious decision to actually listen to the sermon. It was about a fresh start and the necessary tools to succeed in it, which couldn’t have been more fitting.
Almost a year to date, after silently praying for traits that I thought would make me a better person, I like the woman I am becoming. I like having a more positive outlook on life and what it has to offer. Though I didn’t always like the process, I am grateful for it and the small changes it has engendered.
I am also beyond excited for this fresh start that I am about to embark, which I thought would take years to accomplish. I am nervous, but I don’t believe this is a coincidence. Man. What a difference a year makes!
